


Vision

by seasonschange



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Body Dysphoria, Gen, Joss WheDON'T has struck again, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, SPOILERS IN THE AUTHOR'S NOTES, SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS, SPOILERSLAND, Spoilers, This is me trying to make it better, Visions, WS!Bucky, spoilers everywhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:45:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3810919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasonschange/pseuds/seasonschange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another take on Steve's vision in The Avengers: Age of Ultron.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vision

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so I went to see AOU and no surprise, there were lots of Joss WheDON'T moments. I especially felt like Steve's vision shouldn't have happened in the past, 'cus it was obviously only so Joss could bring Peggy back. I also believe Steve made his "peace" with them "not being meant to be" (in CATWS), and I really don't believe he'd still be _so_ hung up on her. Also, where the hell was Bucky. 
> 
> Anyway, this is just me writing myself _my_ perfect vision for Steve. (also I saw the movie 2 days ago and I think they were on some sort of ship/submarine when the visions happened? I don't remember that well, will correct later if I'm wrong)

* * *

 

One moment Steve is on the ship with the Avengers, desperately trying to stop Ultron before he can make a swift escape with the precious vibranium. Except that everytime any of them gets closer enough to the target, the twins appear out of nowhere and knock the wind out of them.

The next moment, there's a gust of wind beside him and Steve's brain registers that there's someone standing there, but before he can react (turn around, throw his shield, anything), something strange is happening. There's a burning sensation at his temples, and the pain is blooming and spreading fast until Steve—

* * *

 

—is walking down the streets of New York.

He's in search of something familiar, even a single shop from his childhood. But there's nothing left, nothing's lasted long as he did. Sometimes, Steve's almost afraid that it's all ever been inside his head. That nothing from the past was ever real.

He's approaching the outskirts of Brooklyn now, but the only way he's aware of that is after his eyes land on a street sign. There's no other way for him to tell, and it's deeply unsettling.

He keeps walking, but after a couple of minutes he stops in the middle of a street he doesn't recognize, the incessant flow of people pushing past Steve without as much as an annoyed glance at him. Steve doesn't know where to go from here, body breaking out in a cold sweat as he darts unsure looks over the top of the crowd, trying to remember where he was headed in the first place.

In a matter of seconds the people on the street fade away until there's nobody else but him.

Steve turns around, heart pounding in his chest and sweat pouring down his back, a sense of impending doom weighing heavily on him. There's no hurried activity anymore. The shops are all closed, and the silence is suffocating.

"Steve? What the fuck are you doing here?"

That voice... belongs to a ghost who can't possibly be here. But when it resounds somewhere behind Steve, he still whirls around so fast it almost makes him dizzy.

And there he stands, sgt. James Barnes, just the way Steve remembers him before the war had caught up with them, breaking the two Brooklyn boys beyond repair. Steve had forgotten how handsome Bucky used to be; how his heart used to skip a beat whenever Bucky's lips would curl into one of his disarming smiles. Steve's chest tightens painfully at the familiar sight, shield clattering at his feet when it slips from his grip turned slack with astonishment.

But he doesn't remember holding the shield a moment before, and he looks down at himself in confusion, eyebrows creasing when he discovers that he's also wearing the Captain America suit.

This is not what he'd have chosen to wear for a simple walk in New York. Steve remembers putting the suit away, burying it at the bottom of his closet after giving Director Fury his resignation. They let him keep it after he requested it, but he's never intended on wearing it ever again. He's supposed to be a free man now, his battle is over; this is the part where Steve finally starts living his own life and lets the saving of the world to the next generation of Avengers.

So why is he back in that suit?

"Take the suit away, and what are you?" Bucky asks as if he's reading Steve's mind, and it's the echo of something Steve remembers yelling angrily at somebody.

Except that somebody had been able to come up with an almost immediate answer to that question. What Steve comes up with himself is... silence. His mouth opens and closes, but there's no sound coming out, and he's too stunned to force his vocal chords to work.

If he takes away the Captain America suit, what is he indeed? He's just Steve Rogers, a man lost in time, homesick to the point that it's a constant, painful throb in his heart. A man with no roots, no family. He used to think the only way he could start building a new life would be after quitting the Avengers. But all Steve's ever known is the fight. Without it, it's like he's got no purpose anymore. It's like he could disappear tomorrow and nobody would need him, or miss him.

People have and will always love Captain America, but... who's ever cared about _Steve Rogers_?

"I don't know," Steve whispers, heart in his throat.

He takes a hesitant step forward, instinctively looking to Bucky for comfort, even after all the time they've been apart, even after what they've both become because some things never change, and some habits are forever ingrained into a person's DNA.

But when he tries to approach him, Bucky starts walking backwards.

"Bucky."

Steve sounds like a wounded animal when he says that name. And there's only a split-second of confusion before Steve follows.

He squints when he tries to make out Bucky's face, and picks up speed because Bucky's so close now, he's so close and Steve has never needed him more. Bucky's the only thing still tethering him to the past, to the life he used to know, and Steve can't let him go.

There's also something else. His heart is whispering to him that something awful is about to happen to Bucky, and it's imperative that he reaches him before it's too late. He has to. This is a second chance and Steve can't let it go.

Bucky turns his back to him when Steve gets close enough to see the grim expression on his face, and breaks into a sprint.

"Bucky, wait!"

The chase doesn't last long before Steve's breathing gets difficult. He starts coughing, lungs burning because he can't get enough air in them anymore. The pain brings tears to his eyes and he has to slow down and take a deep breath but he can't, not when Bucky's constantly gaining speed.

His body is slowly losing all its strength and luster Dr. Erskine's serum had given him, and Steve's reverting to his old self. His weak, skinny, useless old self. Steve can't even look down at his body when the muscles of his arms and legs start melting like ice-cream in the sun. He bites back a distressed sob at the loss and keeps running, trying to focus on Bucky and nothing else or else he won't make it. So he keeps running despite his burning lungs and sore muscles. He may be losing speed, but he never stops.

Through the tears of pain welling up in his eyes, he notices Bucky disappear at the corner of a street, far ahead, and he gasps because he can't see him anymore, and everything hurts so bad he's tempted to give up. Just give up and let Bucky go. He's already tried that, a little voice reminds him, and he barely survived the first time.

Steve keeps running until he's about to cough out a lung, heart pounding painfully against his ribcage, and miraculously survives long enough to reach the corner of the street.

A metal arm shoots out of the shadows and grabs him by the throat, lifting him in the air like he doesn't weigh more than a bag of newborn kittens. Steve's skinny limbs flail helplessly before he's able to catch the cold grip around his throat and start clawing at it. The man who's slowly choking him is partly hidden in the shadows of the narrow alley, but Steve recognizes him even before he walks out in the daylight.

The Winter Soldier's blank gaze is fixed upon his target, mask covering the lower half of his face and effectively preventing him from talking. He lifts Steve's frail body higher in the air, unconcerned by Steve's pitiful attempts to break free.

The ground starting to shake underneath the Winter Soldier's feet makes them both freeze, unsure of what is happening. The Winter Soldier stops squeezing Steve's throat and his dark blue eyes widen in surprise. The tremors grow to the point that the asphalt starts crumbling around them, and soon there are cracks tearing through the streets and the buildings everywhere, the world falling apart in the blink of an eye.

Steve watches in horror as a wide crack slithers in front of the Winter Soldier and the ground disintegrates on his side of the street. Steve falls when the metal arm releases him but before he can think about it, he's catching the cold appendage with both hands and saving the Winter Soldier from a fall down an endlessly dark precipice.

But he's not Captain America anymore. The body he's spent all his life dreaming about, the one that he was always afraid would be taken away from him has dissolved into nothingness. Now he's just Steve, scrawny little Steve who can't even breathe without help, and he doesn't have the strength to hold on to his friend hanging at the edge of a precipice.

The Winter Soldier screams something behind the mask, and it sound like _"Steve"_ but Steve can't be sure and _oh God_ , but what if it was Steve's name? What if the Winter Soldier remembers him? What if Bucky can be brought back? What if...

Steve grits his teeth and tries to summon what little stamina he's got left, determined to save his friend this time around but the smooth metal still slips from his trembling grip, and the last thing he sees is the utter terror in Bucky's wide open eyes—

* * *

 

—Wanda Maximoff takes a wobbly step back, tears running down her cheeks.

Captain America's eyes are suspiciously wet as he stares back at her, panting loudly.

Wanda hadn't expected to get sucked into the man's vision so completely. She'd cast her spell on him with the firm intention of immediately moving on to her next target, keeping her brother safe from these Avengers, but she had changed her mind at the last moment. She had decided to stay and watch, just like she'd done with Tony Stark, wondering what could be the biggest fear of this man who symbolizes the "land of the free", and everything she despises.

She didn't expect all the suffering Steve Rogers' been through. Or all the fears he's still plagued with. To look at the man, no one would ever suspect the _ugliness_ eating at him from the inside.

Stranger in this time, stranger in his own body, heart still full of affection for a man who doesn't remember him anymore.

Clint uses this opportunity to shoot an arrow that hits her square on the forehead, and the taser at the tip discharges an electroshock straight to her brain. Her eyes roll back in her head and Steve reaches out and catches her in his arms before she hits the ground. Steve looks bemusedly down at the unconscious woman, trying hard to blink back the tears still pooling at the corners of his eyes, trying to shake off the remnants of the horrifying vision.

"Time to get moving, Cap," Clint yells from somewhere above them, above the sound of the fighting, and Steve squares his shoulders and does exactly that.

He'll deal with the implications of his vision later. Much later.

**Author's Note:**

>  Basically I expected just one of those:
> 
>   * Steve not knowing what to do the day he can finally live his own life (already hinted at in CATWS and okay, there was that in AOU, I liked the implications that Steve still sees the war every-fucking-where! That was amazing but I just didn't want to see that in the past because I feel like Steve could have seen himself living happily in his own time, especially with Peggy at his side. What must be scary is living _now_.)
>   * Steve afraid of reverting back to his pre-serum!self
>   * Steve afraid of losing Bucky again/never finding him back
> 



End file.
